Operation Self-Esteem---Day Fucking One."
- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
All these years I actually thought I was a-okay, and then I will realize it's not easy to be "really okay". I guess I always repeat the same mistake of relying my happiness to something that isn't stable--something outside of me. I know there seems to be nothing wrong with this, but then what if I lost this "something outside of me"? Hindi ko nalang ba alam kung saan ako pupulutin? Happiness then should come from myself, and from Him who wouldn't leave.
So let this be another Eat Pray Love serye for me (Liz Gilbert quotes overload na to!)...As I work my way to recover what I've lost. That is, to be truly happy. This is my own pursuit of happyness. :)
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."
Biglaan Dinner with Bes
After the Joey Pepperoni Taste Test at Pioneer, I went to meet my best friend from high school, who currently lives near Rockwell. She texted me that same morning telling me she's here in the Philippines and she wants to meet me. It was supposed to be a happy dinner thing, but then my friend started pouring her stories to me. I love my best friend and I missed her. I am just happy that we can still talk like this after years of being disconnected.
For Me Mini-shoot
Watch out for my FOR ME feature here in my blog! Brought my friend BB Chicks to model some of the clothes! :)
After the shoot: Coffee Bean tambay and talk with my Biebs :) I love having BB around, ang dali niyang kasama and kausap. <3 Love you BB!
Later on, Marj arrived as we planned to watch a movie. Medyo late na and I thought uuwi ako so nag pass muna kami...
Biebs with her "partner" :)
I love my high school friends! :) <3 Kilalang kilala nila ako!
Had dinner with Marj at Terriyaki Boy:
We strolled around Glorietta to waste time after eating too much. Hindi ko ineexpect but hiniritan ako ni Marj na mag overnight nalang sa kanila! Hindi ako makatanggi! Haha! :P
Saw Marj's new TV, na kabibili lang din nya that day! :D Ganda and ang laki!
Marj, Me, and her roommate Jen's beds ;)
Jen is super nice to let me use her laptop to check my accounts before matulog. :)
Made this for Marj years ago! :D
The next day, the two doktoras left as early as 6.30am for their duties in Makati Med. Although Marj told me I can stay as long as I want....I decided to just clean up their beds and leave before 8.
My Biebs then texted to thank me for our talk the day before. :) I told her I was alone in Marj's condo and although feeling Makati girl na may sariling pad... I don't really feel "happy" so I planned to just go out and have my solo fancy breakfast. She replied with "Go go go! Think of this as ME time, kaya don't entertain sad thoughts ok?"
I was hesitant and nagkukuripot at first, and feeling ko ang superficial ng activity kong to. But then I just took the plunge and pushed through with my solo fancy breakfast:
I thought kasama yung brewed coffee sa buffet, hehe, but at least naka 3 mugs ako (refillable). Sinulit ko the buffet and had everything na I can eat...2 servings of salad, pancakes, waffle, soup, garlic rice, eggs, pasta, and dessert. :) It was entertaining in a way, I wonder what the groups and the servers around me were thinking. I looked really weird going back and back and back to the buffet table. I also kept on taking food photos (which reminded me to buy a BETTER camera ASAP). "But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a while? Just a few months of one's life, is it awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal?"
Went out Heaven and Eggs with empty wallet and happy heart (and tummy, haha). Went to Rustans grocery while waiting for the mall to open, and got myself some weird things like disposable containers and a flute (haha). I also bought some feathers and cloths for my bride client, and even shopped 5 Ukay clothes for only P300! :D Something to wear on my next events, hehe.
I'd like to think that I am starting to enjoy the company of the self again. I pray that I wouldn't let go of this whole goal. Haaay, quarter life crisis.
"When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."