I am such an open book, and I wouldn't deny the fact that the past weeks has been so hard for me. And just when I thought I couldn't bear anymore problem at this fragile state, the world gave me another challenge that pretty much broke me down and tore me to pieces. I was hanging on to "good vibes" yesterday afternoon before getting out of the house to meet Reg to hand her accessories for a shoot, and Honey for our Monte Carlo premiere night I was super looking forward to...When mom texted me that my lola passed away. I didn't know how to react at first, because days before this I even thought "Lord please naman alam mong hindi ko na kakayanin ang deaths and sickness, please please make my family and friends and even our dogs healthy." ... And then there goes the tragic news.
I can't describe how it felt to be so tired already, and then another bigger stone will be placed in my weak back. I was gasping for air, and gulped them like being drowned. I realized I was a mess. So I took a deep breath, tried to calm down, and went out the house for my responsibilities.
There's so much things I want to say, but right now I just want to thank Honey for being there for me when I most needed someone to talk to. I was in Makati because I thought I can be strong enough to deal with my responsibilities amidst what happened, but in the middle of my going-about, I just had to go to GB4's restroom and lock myself in one of the cubicles and just broke down and silently cried there. I was hopeless. Honey might not be physically present, but she kept on calling and texting me...She made me strong, and made me realize that no one will pick me up from this mess but myself. I was able to sleep well last night because of her love and care and reminders. I don't know what I'll do without this girl! :)
I know that the world will spin madly on, life goes on like the hustle and bustle of busy Makati yesterday no matter how desperate I look or how depressed I feel...No one will really stop the time for me. But I can create benchmarks out of things like declaring it's MIDYEAR already--where I can say to myself that the worst is over. I'd like to think that, hey, here's another chance to begin again.
To Yanna for this POST, something to smile about when I woke up today. :)
Thank you to my Full Moon kabasagan girls, Jam, Gi, Maje...Something to look forward to and make me HAPPY in the coming weeks...<3
Thank you to the love I got from my Blog Friends through Twitter and text...I hope you realize that the words you're sending me meant so much to me and my strength.
And to my Lola Mameng...I will miss you so much, and your apo couldn't imagine going home in Tanauan without you in our house. I love you, and thank you so much for always reaching out to me and Cea, we will miss hanging out with you.
Lola Mameng and baby-me on her lap :)
Mom talking with lola :)
My new angel, who will watch over for me, and make sure I'll be doing ok from now on. :,)