Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Happy Thank you More Please!

Today I woke up with tears for breakfast. It's so emo-shit of a sentence, but that's what I really ate today, first thing in the morning. It wasn't all bad vibes, now that I am semi-sort-of over it. It's more of realizing the pattern of things that happened the past weeks or so. I did became depressed, and it's not for the sole reason I've been blabbing to my friends...Or even to random people I encountered. I realized that things did piled up on me, and I wasn't emotionally ready, and I picked my brightest highlighter--swiped the striking color in one issue I thought would easily be fixed-- because I trusted the people involved. I freaked out when things didn't go my way, and people got tired and left, and they're the ones I usually tell these things to. I can't see the end of all these, but the time-off is now giving me the chance to fix the other issues in my life. Although improvements are now visible, in the back of my head, I wished I resolved these calmly before that I didn't have to scatter myself all over the people I love just because I thought they wouldn't hurt me. I guess in the end I just have to stand on my own feet. As a friend told me, if I can't handle this, paano na yun mas mabibigat pang problema na pagdadaanan ko sa future? I got scared, I tell you.

I don't like it that I get to be too "all-over the place" when I have issues; I tend to over-share even to people I am not really close with. Sometimes, I just tell a chunk of the whole story. To some, I just let my heart pour--one problem after the other. Depends on the closeness with the person? Or even, with how open the person is in listening to my stories. I got some of the soundest advice from people all over. And now that I think about it, I thank God for these Angels who passed by my life one by one to teach me a thing or two--and then moving on again with their own life. Some friends just have their own baggage these days I can't approach them in the fear of doubling their emotional weight--or handing them an extra hand-carry, which is always a hassle. If there's one thing about me, it's that I hate mangabala ng tao.

I have a close friend I talked with one night, and she made me realize that I was undergoing what she called "sakit ng self-employed". I realized that my pattern-less, chaotic weekdays geared me to wanting a stable weekend. She made me realize that being always "alone" in my line of work (which is like, everyday) made me more clingy, needy, and routine-y. It's just sad that I have to be like this, ang taong ayaw mang abala suddenly clings to people for happiness. Another lesson I have to go through, I guess. This same friend also told me that I might appear "different" now for others because before I appear "easy breezy happy" during my Multiply blog days, but she told me I might just be sending off these vibes through my blog before. A psychological thing I've been doing... Sort of like pretending to be ok even if I am scared-shit of suddenly breaking out of my whole act. It suddenly felt so real now, though, so I guess pretending to be happy is a good step towards actually being really genuinely happy?Anyway, I really learned a lot from her, felt like I went through the whole therapy-doctor thing without spending, hehe. I love friends!

So much for being too chatty early in the morning,haha, sorry. I just don't want to waste realizations without documenting them. Two nights ago I watched my downloaded copy of the popular Thai film A Little Thing Called Love...which was shown gazillion times na on local tv. Iba padin sa room panuorin ng mag isa in case may crayola scene akech, and although the highlight of the movie is the eternal love, I found myself crying over the scene when Nam and her friends reunited:

Have you watched this? Ang cute niya! :)

I also watched Happy Thank You More Please last night (also downloaded)...where I've learned about the concept of "walk it off" in sports-- to just go through it even if it was already a bad game. And, to end this looong blabbing, I quote one of the film's characters--Annie: "That with gratitude, the world is eternally abundant. So I've been giving gratitude a shot. Thank you, more please."

Sadness, begone! 
Bliss is your birth right.

Watch the trailer of Happy Thank you More Please! here:
PS: Directed by Josh Radnor, aka Ted Mosby. ;)
Love the quotable quotes, and cool soundtrack, too!

PPS: Everyday is Father's Day!

Spent Father's Day one day late because of our surfing trip (12). Dad doesn't mind, though, he enjoyed our little pizza party at home (Brooklyn!) for Monday dinner with the whole Crazy Gonzales! Ang sarap ng bakasyon tapos umuulan!

At dahil mga nakapambahay kaming trashy, I didn't took photos of people na (hehe)...Can't find latest photo of me and my daddykins, so this is me and dad 2 or 3 years ago, after a Cuenca Christmas bazaar. :) 

Texted dad last Sunday to greet him "Happy Fathers Day, thanks for everything! Pauwi na kami!"...I love my dad for always being supportive of my business endeavors, vegetarianism, and all things "weird" about me. :) 


  1. That's my favorite scene in Crazy Little Thing called Love too.=)) Belated Happy Father's day to your pops.

  2. From my point of view, you are super lucky to be self employed. It's my ultimate dream. Hohoho. But I guess its never always happy-days. Good luck with everything Ana! =)

  3. Good luck nalang with everything you're going through. Kaya mo yan. :-)

  4. Thanks girls! :) Always praying, striving to be better everyday :) <3

  5. Dyan din sa scene na yan ako humagulgol sobra kasi naalala ko naman kaming apat before :,(

    Anyway... I LOVE THE QUOTE SIS! I must watch that movie, thanks for sharing!

    And with me you'll never have to think na nang-aabala ka, promise :) See you tomorrow!!!

  6. Awwww ak din sis hagulgol ako ng bongga diko carry hehe =S Thank you so much too a...shet natouch ako..hehe :) :,) I always feel na abala ako, i have to gain more self confidence, shit lang :P Love you sis, see you tomorrow!

  7. Hi Ana,

    Been a quiet "lurker". Like you, I am self-employed -- mainly because of the kids and all. And I can totally relate with what you are going through. Our unstructured days wreak some havoc on our emotions I guess Some days you feel fulfilled, other days just plain empty and seem to be neither here nor there.
    Just ride it through. No choice eh. But believe that we have a big God who understands and hold our hands when our steps are frail and unsure.

  8. Hello there! :) I am super happy to read this from you. I feel that whenever may nakakarelate, I know that what I am going through is bearable..kakayanin ko ito kasi normal siya. :) Thank you so much for supporting my blog, I learn a lot from you guys, and I find joy in reading supportive and loving comments from people all over! :)

  9. Hi Ana,

    I hope you are feeling better now. I totally understand you because I actually went through the same thing a couple of months ago and it was just horrible. It even came to a point where I lost so-called friends. Even though it hurt, I knew I had to go through it.
    I feel much better now after giving myself time to really think things over and make myself realize how lucky I am to be self-employed. Everything has its pros & cons, it's up to us to look at the brighter side of things :)
    Here's to brighter days ahead! God bless :)

  10. I am super blessed to have a reader like you Suyen! Thank you so much for making me feel that I am going through something normal and I will get past this and I have you guys for moral support, and for strength. Thank you so so much and I am actually teary eyed now because I felt the love from you people I don't even personally know! :,) Thank you and God bless you too!!!


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